Episode Transcript

Hey what’s up? What’s up? What’s up, everybody? Welcome back to THW a.m guys. Welcome back to five minute rants. I’m your host, Michael Abernathy. And welcome to the show predicated on the journey of life and business. Well, everybody, last episode, I talked about replacing humility with experience. And I mentioned assumptions. And I’m actually going to tag in assumptions with that last episode. So if you haven’t listened to Episode prior, I think it’s 173 or something like that you should. And then I want to actually just build off that and talk about assumptions. And I’m gonna go into a personal story first.

So personally, for large part of my life, I have often made the mistake of assuming that people are just like me, that they like What I like. They’re driven by What I’m driven by, they think like I do, they deal with conflict and pain the same way they deal with success the same way they want, What I want out of life, and more. And honestly, this has caused nothing but problems for me. And Here’s why. So I left off last episode talking about a gentleman who ordered a black cup of coffee and the girl right in front of him ordered the same exact black cup of coffee. And now the person at the cash register thought that they are the exact same person because of the outcome in that transaction. And when I assume I immediately put my relationship into a transactional state, most of the time, not always, but most of the time. And when I assume it normally sets up failure in whatever I’m assuming in now, there’s definitely gut instincts. There’s definitely hunches and things like that. And they need to be vetted out. And that’s the problem.

Here’s the problem with where I was at and where I’ve been at a lot with assuming, I don’t really actually recognize and have not recognized Wow, I’m assuming that this person is just like me until there’s a letdown moment or until all of a sudden, like, oh, they aren’t like me, oh, they are not driven by the same things. I am, oh, their goals are not the same. So What happens is, we pretty much show up to the same coffee shop, they order a latte and I order a black cup coffee, and I look and go, they’re not the same. And I’m not sure and have we gotten to the root of why I do this. But I do know that it has hurt me in relationships personally and in business. Because I set wrong expectations. And then as a result of my assumption, I don’t actually get to know the person the way I should. And I’ve done the same thing in business, it’s been very easy to do the same thing in business, Oh, you want a website cool. You’re just like everybody else who bought a website, and you want a website for all the reasons that I’m buying a website. And that’s not always true.

Just because I am solving a problem in the business doesn’t mean it’s the same reason that a customer is going to buy from me. That assumption is very false, and it breaks. And I’ll give you a few practical areas where I’m assuming, and I and I don’t think I’m the only one that does this. I know that like most of us, in general universally struggle with similar problems or issues, the context might be different and the circumstances might be different, but universally, we’re pretty similar as people, right. And a few practical areas where assuming has hurt me is like in team culture, it’s hurt me in marriage, because instead of going deeper to actually understand my wife better and my spouse better. I have assumed she’s very similar to me and wants this and that, and this and that. And so I’ve missed key elements in our relationship. And I’ve missed key elements of discovery, understanding who she is, and really What drives her. I’ve done the same thing in friendships. I’ve done the same thing in peer to peer relationships. And then I’ve also done the same thing in business, like I mentioned.

And my hope is here, too, by the way, because I believe there are two ways to learn things the hard way, the easy way, I hope that you all can look at What I’m doing. And look at What I have done. And you guys don’t have to repeat the same mistakes, you can go ahead and learn why it’s easy without having to go through something like this. Or if you are doing this, maybe it’s like, oh, that’s What I’m doing. Because Here’s the thing is when I assume there’s only let down on the other side, because I’m assuming for them to be exactly like me. And that expectation could be never met. Think about that the expectation that they are just like me can never be met. It’s impossible, because I’m the only Michael Abernathy and the only me that has ever existed in this world. Okay.

You’re the only one that has ever existed in this world. And that goes into create versus don’t compete, because how can you actually compete against people when you’re the only one just like you and the bar is different? And I’m not saying there isn’t competition out in the world. But What I’m saying is we often get consumed with competition and totally forget about ourselves. So a few things that I’ve done, I know that I do this and so I choose to be aware that I do this and then I also choose to listen even more and dig deeper, even more and wait before I make any judgments and judgments not like condemnation, but any assessments about the person or the situation or anything that’s in there until I really have enough information to understand.

So anyways guys, I’m out of time and I’ll catch you later peace