Ok, so I get asked a lot about how to make better decisions and also how to overcome fear of decisions. There is a lot of psychology around this topic but I am not a psychologist so I going to talk from a practical side of things. So if are you someone who always finds it hard to make decisions, or are you constantly second-guessing yourself, even over the smallest things, this post is for you. First, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with indecisiveness, and it can have a significant impact on their lives. But where does this indecisiveness come from? Does indecisiveness come from insecurity? Let’s jump into that.

Indecisiveness can manifest in various ways. It could be as simple as not being able to decide what to eat for lunch, or as complex as being unsure about major life decisions like career changes or relationships. Even though they may sound different there are different reasons for indecisiveness in both of those senarios.

decision-making and How It Affects Us

First, decision-making is a huge part of daily life. If you struggle to make decisions it can really handicap your ability to navigate day-to-day activities and life in general.

In my experience, Indecision mainly comes from two different sources

1. Indecision comes in a lot because we are trying to keep other people happy.
2. It comes from a lack of clarity.

I am mainly going to talk about the insecurity side in this post. I’ll take some time to write about how a lack of clarity impairs are ability to make decisions at a later date. I think the insecurity side is much more needed at the moment.

Insecurity

Okay, so let’s talk about this. First to make sure that we are on the same page. Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence, or anxiety about oneself. It’s an internal state of mind that can stem from various factors such as past experiences, societal pressure, or personal perception.

Essentially insecurity at its root is self-doubt. Self-doubt is when you struggle to believe in yourself. Imposter syndrome goes hand in hand with this. Self-doubt can often lead to indecisiveness, as the fear of making a mistake or not being good enough can paralyze decision-making processes.

For example, imagine you’re offered a promotion at work. Instead of feeling excited and ready to take on the new challenges, you find yourself plagued with thoughts like, “Am I really capable of handling these responsibilities?” or “What if I fail and disappoint everyone?” These insecurities cloud your judgment and instead of confidently accepting the promotion, you find yourself wavering, unable to decide.

This indecisiveness can be a manifestation of your insecurity – you’re unsure of your own abilities and fear the potential negative outcomes. But it’s important to remember that everyone has insecurities, and facing them is a part of personal growth. Recognizing and addressing your insecurities can pave the way for more confident decision-making, ultimately leading to personal and professional development.

The Link Between Indecisiveness and Insecurity

Insecurity often stems from a fear of making the wrong choice, of disappointing others, or of not living up to expectations. These fears can lead to indecisiveness. So yes, it’s likely that if you’re feeling insecure, it could be contributing to your indecisiveness. When you struggle to to believe in yourself, you won’t trust yourself to make decisions, thus always doubting what you think should be done.

This connection is especially evident in relationships. If you don’t believe in yourself you have low self-worth or self-esteem. You will often find yourself making decisions to keep someone else happy or to take and make them love you.

Relationships

So does indecisiveness come from insecurity in relationships? Often, it does. Whether it’s a girlfriend indecisive about a relationship or a boyfriend feeling the same, the root cause is often insecurity. The fear of making the wrong choice, the fear of upsetting the other person, or the fear of being alone can all lead to indecision in relationships. Just know this. Other people’s happiness and choice to like you is out of your control. So take actions that are in your control. Smile, don’t be a jerk, care about the person.

Here are a few practical steps to help build self-esteem:

1. Positive Self-Talk: Make a habit of speaking kindly and positively to yourself. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations such as “I am capable” or “I can handle this.”
2. Set Realistic Goals: Define what you want to achieve, both in the short and long term. Make sure your goals are attainable and measurable.
3. Celebrate Small Victories: Every accomplishment, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. This helps reinforce the belief that you are capable and successful.
4. Exercise Regularly: Physical activity releases endorphins, which naturally boost mood and confidence. It also helps you feel more comfortable in your body.
5. Take Care of Your Physical Health: Eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and take care of your personal hygiene. Feeling good physically can improve your view of yourself.
6. Practice Gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal and write down things you’re grateful for each day. This helps shift your focus from what’s wrong to what’s going well.
7. Avoid Negative Self-Comparison: Everyone has their own unique journey. Comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Focus on your own progress instead.
8. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Spend time with people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself.
9. Learn a New Skill: Gaining new knowledge or skills can boost your confidence and make you feel more competent.
10. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If low self-esteem persists and negatively impacts your life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide strategies and tools to help improve your self-esteem.

Common Reasons For The Fear Driving The Indecision

So I think it would be good to list a few more reasons that drive indecision. Most of the reasons below are fear-based rather than insecurity-based.

1. Fear of Making the Wrong Choice: You stand at the crossroads of decision, your heart pounding, your mind racing. What if you choose the wrong path? What if you make a mistake? This fear can paralyze you, keeping you stuck in place. Fear of being wrong or making mistakes actually plagues most people. But remember, every choice, every step, is a chance to learn and grow. Most decisions are not permanent. They are also not as life-ending as you think and feel in the moment. If you realize that you have made a mistake life is a lot more forgiving than you think. You can always ask for help, backtrack, and then make the right one.
2. Fear of Judgement: You look around, seeing eyes watching, waiting. What will they say if you choose this path? What will they think? The fear of judgment can silence your voice, and dull your courage. But ask yourself, isn’t it better to make a choice that aligns with your values, and your dreams, rather than living for the opinions of others? Here is where not caring what people think
3. Fear of Failure: You see the mountain ahead, towering, daunting. What if you fall? What if you fail? This fear can keep you from even trying, from taking that first step. But remember, every great achievement was once a dream that dared to defy failure.
4. Fear of Change: You’re standing on the edge of the familiar, gazing into the unknown. What if things change? What if you change? This fear can keep you trapped in your comfort zone, far from your potential. But isn’t growth all about change, about evolving, about becoming more?
5. Fear of Disappointing Others: You feel the weight of expectations, heavy on your shoulders. What if you let them down? What if you disappoint them? This fear can make you live for others, forgetting your own desires. But isn’t it true that you can never truly satisfy everyone?

Remember the power is within you. Fear is a natural part of life, but don’t let it dictate your decisions. Take a deep breath, trust in your abilities, and choose the path that leads to your dreams. You’ve got this!

Lack Mentality and Self-Doubt

Alright, this is huge. The Lack Mentality, also known as scarcity mindset, is a psychological phenomenon where we believe there’s never enough of something, be it money, opportunities, resources, or even time. It’s a viewpoint rooted in fear, worry, and stress, that can lead to destructive behaviors and thoughts like hoarding, stinginess, and a constant sense of dissatisfaction. Lack Mentality directly ties into indecisiveness. It directly contributes to FOMO (Fear of Missing out) and also applies unnecessary pressure when you have to make decisions. Because there is this core belief that once you make the decision it’s over. There will never be another opportunity. It is completely unforgiving.

For instance, consider an entrepreneur who has achieved moderate success with their business. However, instead of celebrating their achievements, they are constantly worried about losing what they have. They may become overly cautious, resist investing in new opportunities, and work excessively to the point of burnout. This fear-based thinking limits their potential for growth and satisfaction. The s ntrepreneur is stuck in a lack mentality, focusing on what they could lose instead of recognizing and leveraging what they already have. Overcoming this mindset involves shifting focus from scarcity to abundance, appreciating current successes, and being open to future possibilities.

Overcoming Indecisiveness

Now that we’ve established the link between indecisiveness and insecurity, the next question is: How do you overcome it? How do you deal with an indecisive person, whether it’s yourself or someone else?

The first step is acknowledging the problem. If you find yourself thinking “my indecisiveness is ruining my life,” it’s time to take action. Awareness is the first step towards change. Recognize your indecisiveness, understand its roots, and then seek to address it.

It’s essential to remember that overcoming indecisiveness isn’t about always making the right decision. It’s about being okay with the possibility of making the wrong one. It’s about understanding that it’s better to make a decision and learn from it than to be paralyzed by indecision. You can always learn from failure, but you can never learn from doing nothing.

Here are some practical steps you can use to train yourself to make decisions more confidently:

1. Identify the Root Cause: Determine what’s causing your indecisiveness. Is it fear of making the wrong choice, lack of information, or overwhelming options? Understanding the cause can help tailor your approach to decision-making.
2. Gather Information: Research and gather as much relevant information as you can about the decision at hand. This can help you make an informed choice.
3. Set a Deadline: Indecisiveness often stems from procrastination. By setting a deadline for the decision, you can create a sense of urgency that prompts action.
4. Weigh the Pros and Cons: Make a list of the potential benefits and drawbacks of each option. This can provide a visual aid to clarify the decision.
5. Trust Your Gut: Sometimes, your instincts can guide you towards the right decision. If you’ve done your research and still feel stuck, try listening to your gut.
6. Practice Decision-Making: Start with small decisions like what to wear or what to eat for dinner. As you become more comfortable with these, gradually tackle bigger decisions.
7. Embrace Mistakes: Accept that not all decisions will lead to perfect outcomes. Mistakes are learning opportunities that can guide future decisions.
8. Seek Outside Perspective: If you’re really stuck, don’t hesitate to ask for advice. Others may provide insights or perspectives you hadn’t considered.
9. Use Decision-Making Tools: Techniques like the Eisenhower Box or the Decision Matrix can help structure your decision-making process.
10. Take Action: Once you’ve made a decision, commit to it and move forward. Remember, in most cases, no decision is often worse than a bad decision.

While indecisiveness often comes from insecurity, it doesn’t define who you are. You are more than your fears and insecurities. With awareness, understanding, and action, you can overcome your indecisiveness and take control of your life. So, take that first step today. Make a decision, take action, and embrace the journey of personal growth and self-improvement. You’ve got this!