Ep. 212 – Unspoken Expectations


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Episode Transcript

Hey what’s up? What’s up? What’s up everybody? Welcome back to THE a.m guys, welcome back to five minute rants. I’m your host, Michael Abernathy. And welcome to the show predicated on the journey of life and business. Hey guys real quick. Would you partner with me and help me spread the word? If you know somebody who would benefit from listen to this Would you share this with them and help get the word out there, guys, I appreciate it.

Well, today, I actually want to talk about unspoken expectations. And this actually came from my wife, she was talking to me the other day. And she told me, she told me that All unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. And it just was like, wow, this really actually gives better language to some of the things that Andrew and I business partners have really talked about. It gives better language, to a lot of the things that my wife and I have experienced throughout marriage and partnership, and really working together to be partners. And I thought that this was so important, because I see this a lot. I’ve seen that a lot in my life, and have worked very hard as a leader and a servant to really eliminate a lot of this out of my relationships, and within my team, within my partnerships within my marriage, and I thought that this would be so important to share with others.

Because Here’s the thing, I have a personal principle that if it is not written, it does not exist, What I expect to happen and my expectations are not written down. They are really not truly clearly communicated. And then it doesn’t exist. And the reason for this principle is to avoid the premeditated resentments. And What happens is, we have two thought patterns two ways to process problems in our lives. One is through ownership. And that is where we look at the problem and we look at ourselves and we identify our part and our piece in the problem, we are willing to be wrong. And the other one is through victimhood or victimology, which is where we point the finger at everything else, and everybody else is the problem.

And to give you an example of What ownership looks like, with unspoken expectations, looks like this. Oh, of course, this was going to happen, I did not really clearly communicate and document the expectations that I wanted in our relationship. And so of course, you’re not going to meet those because you don’t know What they are versus victimhood, it looks like this. Well, you should have known. And if you’ve heard people tell you What you should have known. They’re coming from a place of victimhood and not ownership, if you say that phrase, just know that you’re coming from a place of victimhood. And so the unspoken expectations really are a lack in partnership to communicate, they come from this place where we do not communicate properly. And wherever you’ve learned to communicate, whether it’s your family, like that’s a lot of us, that’s where we learned how to communicate your environment, in learning from other people. What matters now is What you’re going to do and how you’re going to communicate moving forward. Everything in the past is already done. The past doesn’t matter anymore, except to learn from and grow from. That’s it.

And so What matters is What you’re going to do today to really communicate. And I’ve worked for a lot of leaders who have told me Well, you should have known. And it’s like, well, I can’t read your mind. I really I don’t understand where this is, there’s a ton of information. And yes, it’s my fault, I did not listen well enough, I should have documented as the person who needs the leader, I should have documented the expectations. I should have documented the things, especially knowing that my leaders were not going to do that for me. And so there’s two sides of this. If leaders are really operating from a place of you should have known, cool, then it’s my job to actually either find a new job and find a better environment to work in or document. But at the same time, if I’m in that leadership position, it is my job to document and to make sure that expectations are really clear.

Promotions, for momentum celebrations based off emotionalism always fail. And those are the unspoken expectations because nobody really knows we don’t know boundaries. We don’t know lanes. Every time you drive on a highway, it’s safe, because the expectations are clearly marked. And each lane is clearly delineated from the other and everybody knows What Lane they should be in. And this is how we should work through with life. I remember an argument that I had with my wife one time we call it the water bottle incident. We laugh about it a lot now, but one day she was like hey, I want to drink water. So I brought her glass of water. And she was having a really hard time I think it was one of the most lowest points in mine’s and her life throughout this journey. And when I brought her the glass of water she said I didn’t want a glass of water. I wanted my water bottle but she didn’t say that. And it’s interesting how that hurt us both. And we worked through it and so much good has come out of it and real quick I’m gonna say this pain and challenges are What produce the most good in your life if you choose to take that opportunity to allow the good and the fruitfulness to be produced.

Well anyways guys, I’m out of time. I’m just gonna say it again. Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. I’ll catch you later peace

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